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Be selective and take your time.”If you’re always going for a cocktail at a lounge or a beer at a sports bar for your first dates and it’s starting to feel like the same-ole thing over-and-over again, shake it up.And more importantly, Patt says, make it more casual.If you live in a city, suggest going for a walk around town and getting coffee.Or maybe there’s a free concert or art gallery opening that would be more interesting on a date than trying to hear each other in a noisy place.“Getting to know someone on a first date shouldn’t feel like you are being interrogated.Don’t roll through a list of questions and requirements within the first half hour of meeting someone new – get to know someone like you would get to know a new friend,” Patt says. The more fun the two of you are having the more you will want to see each other again.”Even though modern dating is often about instant gratification, it can also feel like you’re mastering the fickle balance between being too eager and not eager enough.

Without fail you begin to overthink every detail of the date and replaying it in your mind over and over again,” she says.

“This will help you get a firmer sense of self, and a stronger feeling of self-esteem," she tells Bustle.

"Be honest with yourself about what you are looking for in a partner, and only look for this when you go back.

Look for a six-week program that will give you the time you need to not go on any dates, not actively pursue anyone and clear your head.

Licensed love and relationship therapist Esther Boykin says taking a break can help you see the silver lining you’re missing.

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